A few weeks ago, I shared some thoughts on leadership, specifically, how the expectations on leaders often don’t consider team dynamics and if we are honest, that disconnect can make leadership feel like an uphill, and sometimes lonely, battle.
Funny enough, as I sat down to write this, I came across yet another video on LinkedIn about what makes someone a “bad leader” and I know many other people have probably seen a few of those too. Now, I get it, some will say, “Being a manager and being a leader are two different things.” Yes, technically, they are, or at least we have been taught so. Now my question is, do they really need to be treated like separate and mutually exclusive worlds?
Personally, I do not think so. I say this as someone who has had the privilege and challenge of leading. I have been fortunate to work in an environment like bumb’INGOMSO, where leadership is encouraged no matter your title. The principle is clear and basically about being daring, showing up, taking ownership, having a voice, finding inspiration, and inspiring others, and that is something I’m truly grateful for because it gave me a gentle start to what has become a very real and sometimes very raw leadership journey.
So, what a lot of theories and think pieces say is that leadership is shared. We all contribute, we support each other, we take turns stepping up. Now, is that always the case in reality? Once you have been given the title or the official responsibility, things actually change. How you show up is no longer just a nice gesture, IT IS expected, it is measured and becomes part of your performance. People start looking to you not only for direction, but for wellbeing, emotional consistency, decision making, accountability, and so much more that my head is even close to exploding just thinking about all of it.
It is alot and while I fully agree that conversations about good vs bad leadership have been necessary, I also think we are missing something. When do we talk about what makes a team a safe space for a leader to thrive in? As a young leader, I’ve come to learn this over the years. When I was younger, a “leader” usually meant someone older. Someone you automatically respected because of age and experience and of course because it is what we were taught. You did not question much and most times, you followed and cautiously went about bringing your own opinions and personality to the space. Now, we are here, in spaces where we are given the freedom to show up authentically and even in our fairly young age, having the official titles and leading our peers. By peers, I mean people our age, some older, some younger and some more experienced in other ways. These dynamics can be quite complex and maybe it’s time we also learn how to support those who are leading us, even if they’re our peers, especially if they’re our peers.
Yes, we expect our leaders to be empathetic, to listen, to care, to inspire, but sometimes, in our need for all that, we forget that they are human too. They have feelings, they get tired, they carry pressure we don’t always see. Sometimes they need to have that difficult conversation with us, sometimes, they need to call out a pattern or redirect the focus of the team and the modern day response to the not so rosy side of leaders is “They are toxic”. That my friends is not toxic. That is part of the job, but the sad truth is that it does not mean leaders don’t feel the weight of it.
If we are going to talk about emotionally intelligent leadership, then we should also talk about emotionally intelligent followership. I have been lucky to have a mentor who can be vulnerable with me and reminds me all the time that leadership does not mean having it all figured out. Being part of the DGMT Innovation Fellowship also gave me a safe space to ask questions, express fears, learn, and even have meltdowns (I often felt so sorry for my coach). However, not everyone has all of that. Some leaders are figuring it out while bearing the weight of carrying their responsibilities, and they rely on their teams to give them the grace they need to learn, make mistakes, and grow.
What I am asking for here is simple. That we have more honest conversations about leadership. Not just about how to be a great leader, but especially on how to support one and how to create teams where leadership is not just demanded, but nurtured. To every member of a team, please ask yourself: How can I show up for the person leading us today? How can I remind them that they are not alone? How can I create space for their voice the same way I expect them to create space for mine?
When we show up for our leaders, we give them the courage to genuinely keep showing up for us and in that shared responsibility, we all lead from where we are, we grow, achieve team goals and take ownership of every aspect of the work we do, regardless of being given an official title. Let us encourage two way conversations and understand that in different spaces and parts of our lives, we play different roles, and what we expect to receive, we should be able to give out.